I never pictured myself as a stay at home mom. Throughout the entire pregnancy I have often thought what in the world will I do for 6 whole weeks at home with a new baby. I was convinced I would go nuts being at the house with nothing to do other than take care of a sweet Peanut. No fires to put out, no daily interaction with the girls at the office I have come to know and love…what would I do?? When Dustin and I toured the hospital where we will deliver Gage Matthew I got my first taste of "OH"…the babies in the nursery were so little and so sweet…I tried to fast forward time to 6 weeks later and picture them going to daycare and my heart skipped a half a beat.
Last week when our "nanny" bailed I panicked. How in the world would be afford daycare..the ones near the house were so expensive..and even if we miraculously could afford it..would they have a vacancy. Last year when we found out we were pregnant they were already on a waiting list. In a bind, I called the daycare we liked a lot last year hoping for a miracle. They had ONE vacancy!! I went by there last night and I really liked what I saw. The place was spic and span..they knew every kid and their parents by name. The lady that runs the infant nursery is a little grandma lady that has been with this daycare for over 10 years…they have a strict curriculum that they follow and they really try to teach the kids as much as they can. They are very strict about keeping the day-care environment as close to the home environment as possible. There was nothing I didn’t like..and YET…I walked out of there in a flood of tears and could not gain composure for a good 30 minutes. Dustin met me at the door and scooped me up and just hugged me until I stopped. All I could say or think was he's too little..I cant leave him! All the things people told me over the years were absolutely right and I was thinking what am I going to do. I have never left D-marie at a shelter when we went on vacation because I didn’t want her to be scared and confused..and now I am supposed to leave this little tiny bundle??? That I absolutely adore more than anything???
I thought about it all night, talked to a lot of my mommy friends, and even went over the perks of daycare with Dustin and felt much better! In fact, this morning I feel like taking him to daycare where they have seasoned professionals, a structured curriculum, and they monitor his progress seems like a better place for him than home with me. I can offer him all the love in the world..but I don’t know how much tummy time he should get, and how keen his motor skills are or are not. And lets face it..if he starts falling behind, I wont even notice because I'll be too busy powdering his fanny and smothering him with kisses. So, what was a really lousy situation now has a ray of sunshine shining through. I just surprised myself immensely with the way I felt. I didn’t expect that sort of reaction from me. Looks like motherhood will bring out a whole new me : )
And now..another letter to Gage from my Dad! He sends me a "TGIF" email every Friday..this was this past week's entry. Enjoy
Tiny Gage Incubates Fully!
Good morning little buddy! How are you and your Mommy feeling today? Did you play all night long or let her get some sleep? What a good boy!
I hope you enjoy your remaining time being snug as a bug in her tummy and spoiled rotten. It won’t be very long now that you come out of your perfectly controlled and self contained environment. No, it does not stay 98.6 degrees out here all year round. And no, the magical tube that feeds you 24/7 won’t be hooked up forever. The other end of it that whisks away all of your little biological waste will be gone too….
Sounds terrible? Not really.
There will be lots of new people for you to meet. Mainly that guy with the deep voice that keeps talking to you through the wall of Mommy’s tummy. He is REALLY looking forward to having you around. He helped to make you! And your Mommy is an absolute sweetheart and wants to share you with him.
And he is not the only one looking forward to your debut into this world! You have a big family awaiting! We are all anxious to see you!
It may be dark and warm and cozy and easy living where you are right now.
But you will find that there are more people waiting to helping you along. Yes, we all plan to help keep you warm. Keep your tummy full. And even clean up your stinky little messes. (Yes, your poop smells. You will discover that too once the vacuum tube is gone.) We will rely on you to interact with us to let us know when you are hungry or if the cotton and plastic wrapper around your posterior needs to be replaced. You can rely on us to respond so that you will keep growing, won’t smell offensive and your nether regions won’t chap. At first you will need help with these things, but I promise it gets much better after that!
Right now you are restricted to a small but very comfy space. You have depended upon one special and loving lady to carry you this far. There are a lot more people for you to meet! We all look forward to being a part of your life. You will get to trade that warm little room for a great big world. There will be no limits on what you can do now! A lot more space to play! And the family that awaits you will enjoy watching you take your first steps (literally) into this life and seeing the magical discovery of this new world through your eyes!
I’ll be seeing you soon!